Cruelty of the Mind
by DalishCheese
Summary: Post-game scenario, MAJOR SPOILERS ahead if haven't finished Dragon Age: Inquisition yet! - After he left, Solas decided to visit Lavellan in her dreams against his better judgement. He is shocked to find that her rest is plagued by nightmares about the night in Crestwood, and that they are progressively getting worse each time he visits. Rated M for future gore/violence.


_**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Bioware.**_

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><p>It had been almost a month since he left— the images of a shattered relic and a heartbroken lover amongst the crumbling battlefield still fresh in Solas' mind. The way Lavellan's face sank once the dust had finally settled and he was nowhere to be found, her shaking hands desperately trying to piece the orb back together as if it would somehow bring him back. <em>It's for the best<em>, he kept telling himself, yet it never seemed to convince him. Perhaps if he had told her the truth, the _real_ truth, things might be different. Perhaps they might not. He was Fen'Harel, the most hated being among the Dalish, _the Dread Wolf_. How could she possibly love him knowing that?

Solas shook the nagging thoughts from his mind once more. Regardless of what could have been, he couldn't change what was already done. He'd already chosen his path, a life of solitude so that he might correct his past mistakes without the risk of his love being hurt in the process.

The forest floor grew dark as the cool black of night painted the sky above, its stars like tiny freckles of light from afar. Solas conjured a small flame within his palm—sufficient to find his way through the woods but not bright enough to wake the creatures currently in their own slumber. He continued to wander as he searched for a place to rest his own head for the night, eventually finding a small cave that had been long abandoned by whatever inhabited it before. Beginning to set up wards around the exterior, his thoughts strayed once again; remembering the softness of Lavellan's hair as his fingers tangled within her wavy, copper locks—her gentle lips just inches away from his own… He shook his head in frustration as he cursed quietly under his breath. _Mythal's mercy, how he missed her._

Finally finished with the proper precautions, Solas settled onto his bedroll, still unable to rid himself of the thoughts that haunted his mind. He laid there for several minutes until an idea suddenly struck him. It seemed foolish at first, but the more he considered it the better it sounded. Lavellan would surely be asleep by now, and if he could find her dream from within the Fade, perhaps he could see her again and put his restless mind at ease for a while. It would work, so long as he was careful. Closing his eyes, he relaxed as he let his consciousness drift off into the numbness of sleep and his spirit traveled into the realm of dreams once more.

After searching the Fade for what seemed like forever, he finally found his lover's dream. He moved in quietly to get a closer look, but clung to the shadows— not wanting to risk her seeing him. His heart ached at the painful memory that stood before his eyes. It was the night at Crestwood. He watched grimly as the familiar scene played out before him, watching himself sit with her before the small pond as he removed her vallaslin. His jaw clenched as he saw himself break her heart and walk away, leaving her bare-faced and alone under the moonlight. Though tears threatened to fall from Lavellan's eyes, she turned and sat in front of the pond, watching water spill over the cliff above and quietly crash into the pool below it. Solas bit his lip as he fought the urge to comfort her, to hold her in a loving embrace and apologize for the misery he'd caused her. He reminded himself that doing so was too dangerous, if he exposed himself now she would quickly realize that he is the true Solas rather than just a reflection of the Fade. Such an occurrence would only worsen her heartache, as well as his own. He couldn't stand to let that happen.

Muffling his steps, Solas moved from within shadows under the surrounding rocks to get a more adequate viewing angle. Crouching behind a group of tall weeds beside the waterfall, he watched as quiet tears rolled down Lavellan's cheeks. She was staring at her own reflection in the pond, weeping as trembling hands reached up to touch the bare skin on her face. Solas glanced at the reflection in the water, his breath hitching in his throat when he noticed that the figure still bore its violet tattoos. Lavellan's silent weeping gradually turned into devastated sobbing as she murmured desperate pleas for her love into her hands, now covering her face. Her body was hunched over, quivering with each breath she took. From behind the vegetation, Solas struggled to hold back tears of his own. To see her like this was agonizing.

Suddenly, he felt the dream begin to slowly vanish. Watching Lavellan idly fade away, Solas' head hung low as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Vhenan."

Then, it was all gone.

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><p>The soft ray of the morning sun glowed through the barrier at the entrance of the cave, stirring Solas from his rest. His heart sank in his chest as the images from his lover's nightmare played over in his head. His face grew warm as he sat up, his anger at himself building with each passing memory of the ordeal. It was his fault that she was so sorrowful. He'd left her in hopes of keeping her safe, but how was this any better? He should have just told her the truth, he should have—Solas paused, remembering his thought from the night before, and hollow chuckle escaped his throat.<p>

"It's for the best," he snarled, mocking himself as he gathered his things and begrudgingly continued on his journey.


End file.
